


i really shouldn't do this

by Rose_Thorns



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Peter, Depression, Dom/sub, Good Boy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Masturbation, Porn, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, maybe??? idk man, they just love each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-08 16:55:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17390123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Thorns/pseuds/Rose_Thorns
Summary: peter is alone in his universe, miles being the only thing preventing him from killing himself. miles has recurring nightmares. they both miss each other, in every way possible. it feels so wrong yet so right.*CURRENTLY DISCONTINUED*





	1. i really shouldn't do this

**Author's Note:**

> *Smut with plot*
> 
> uh,, this is my first time writing smut, i barely know how dicks work so,, enjoy? also, I don't condone underage stuff y'all, don't try this in real life.

peter twiddled his thumbs as he laid in his crappy twin-sized bed, staring at a brown smudge on the ceiling. it had been a while since he had returned to his own dimension. since he had last seen the other spider people. maybe a month? who knew. at this point, peter was focused on not flinging himself off a building with nothing to prevent him from smashing onto the sidewalk.

"urgh," peter rubbed his grimy hands over his face before pulling them away to inspect them. he should really wash them. mj had officially said she was done with him. she was polite but it hit peter hard. she was one of the only things he had that kept him going. she was the reason he protected the city. she was the reason peter tried to live a normal, non-hobo lifestyle.

the man rolled onto his side, glancing at the pants on the floor that he had discarded last night. there wasn't anything he wanted to do and peter wasn't going to waste time crying and eating his feelings, so he did the next best thing. jerk off. it might not be the most therapeutic method of getting over a breakup, but peter couldn't care less. he used to think about mj. her figure, the way get lips parted when-

"no."

no, she's gone. forget about her. think about someone else. someone like . . . miles. peter blinked in surprise at what his mind said. it's not like he didn't think about miles - he missed him, more than he'd like to admit. he was like an anchor, keeping his feet grounded and his mind straight. but he didn't think of the boy in that way. that would be bad. _very_ bad. thinking about a 13 year old while jerking off? that would be a new low for peter. not like he didn't have other stuff he was ashamed of. no. _no_. he could never think of miles that way. the boy would never forgive him.

peter sat up and looked down at his lap, a slight tent in his boxers. fuck. maybe that was from thinking about mj? yeah. definitely not about how miles would react to figuring out peter found him hot. would he be mad? surprised? turned on? peter's hand automatically reached down to stroke himself. god, would miles want to . . . help him out? peter could imagine how the scenario would play out. miles walking in, how the boy's eyes would widen like they do when he gets nervous or confused. how he would stand there, mouth slightly open, unsure of what to do. peter would turn his head to look at him, his eyes begging for miles to join him.

"miles." peter bit his lip as his pace fastened. his breath was slightly ragged as he let his head fall back, thrusting his hips into his hands. peter couldn't remember the last time he had gotten turned on so fast.

miles would look so good naked. his lean body, too small compared to peter's. his small dick, not fully grown. his dark nipples, erect from just the thought of peter. his cute, round ass. fuck, peter would kill to squeeze that little brown butt. to spank it everytime miles moaned, causing him to moan louder. his plump lips - fuck, peter wanted to taste those lips. he would give anything to have miles here right now. to push him up against the wall and completely destroy him. to whisper disgusting things that only miles would hear. to make the boy moan in pleasure.

peter wanted to take his virginity. to be the first one to touch miles. to be the first person to fuck him. he wanted to give miles everything and then more, until the boy couldn't take it. until miles whimpered for him to stop because of all the stimulation. he probably looked so precious when he orgasmed. his mouth wide open, unable to stop moaning as peter fucked him. moaning _peter's_ name.

-

"peter, peter . . . uhrrhh." too hot water hit his back, but miles didn't even notice. he was too busy whispering the one name that hadn't left his mind in a month. "ohh, peter, _please_."  
he stroked himself at a painfully slow pace as he imagined the older man jerk himself off, whispering about how he wanted miles.

'miles, you're so fucking hot. i want you so bad. i want to hear you scream my name.'

the young boy closed his eyes, panting heavily. he imagined peter's arms around his waist, holding him as he licked down his back and bit his neck. peter chuckling as miles whimpered. teasing him as he humped miles, running his hands across his nipples.

'don't go too fast, now. don't want the fun to end just yet. you'll be a good boy for me, won't you miles?'

"yea, yes," miles whimpered. "i wanna be a good boy. wanna, ngh, make you happy."

miles knew he was close. he never lasted long when he thought about peter. _his_ peter. his mentor, his friend, his lover. well, they weren't technically lovers, but miles didn't want to dwell on that now. not when he was stroking his dick as fast as he could, trying to stifle the moans that escaped his mouth. he wanted to cum for peter. he wanted peter so bad, it hurt.

"ah-ahh!" miles but his lip as he came, the white substance getting all over his stomach. "hnng, ohmygod, peter, peter, peter," he couldn't help but whisper under his breath. did all orgasms feel like that? miles leaned against the wall is the shower for support as he came down from his high.

man, what he would give to have peter here right now, holding him and murmuring into his ear.


	2. late night/early morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (possible trigger warning: mention of suicide)
> 
> peter, who is depressed and suicidal, reminisces about his first time meeting miles. miles has nightmares but is determined to find a way to get to peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I did not expect all the wonderful feedback I got from y'all! it inspired me to write more of these two, so I hope you enjoy! this chapter is verrrry angsty btw

it had been two days since . . . since peter had stupidly jerked off to the thought of a child. not just any child, but miles. sweet, innocent, too-good for this world miles. peter was a menace to society. saving the city? forget that, he couldn't even save himself. this whole spider-man thing was done for. screw that. someone else would have to step up because peter only hurt others. maybe people are happy for a bit but all of that is temporary. peter always - always - found a way to fuck things up.

it was night, but it was still so damn bright in the city. peter squinted his eyes as he walked across the roof of some apartment complex. it was a bit cold out, a breeze making the temperature drop just enough to cause peter to shiver. memories of the first night he met miles flashed through his head.

it was a night just like this one, cold and dark. it was snowing in a graveyard, and a kid stood over the grave of a spider-man named peter parker. that kid was miles. beautiful, adorable, naive miles. peter had just planned to approach the kid, but he ended up scaring him. he didn't expect to be zapped unconscious but expect the unexpected, right?

peter chuckled aloud as he moved to sit at the edge of the building. miles sparked something inside the man the instant peter saw him. a feeling that would only grow with time. time and distance. peter wasn't quite sure what that feeling was at first; he just let his instincts take over. there was an overwhelming need to protect the boy. to keep him safe and prepare him for whatever would come his way. there was also a softer feeling, quietly tugging at the back of peter's mind. the same feeling he had when he met mj. of course, peter dismissed it but he couldn't run from his feelings forever. he knew that for sure. even though peter had only spent a short time with miles, he knew he wouldn't hesitate to do whatever the kid wanted. he would die for miles.

"not a very big statement for someone who's planning on killing themselves shortly," peter mumbled.

miles had been lost and scared when peter first found him. he was in unknown territory; the same place peter had been. miles was just a kid, for crying out loud. he should've been having fun with his friends and playing games with his family, not dealing with stupid villains. the kid didn't need so much responsibility on his shoulders. he deserved to be as happy for as long as possible.  
miles deserved a better life than what peter had.

peter was known to the public as spider-man, but behind the mask was a depressed alcoholic. he didn't even try to look presentable anymore. peter didn't try, period. there was no reason to. mj, the one reason for living, was gone. there was no one who knew him. the real him. the only people who could possibly help peter were in different fucking dimensions.

"i wonder if i can go to another dimension if i die in this one." peter internally sighed, knowing that the thought was just a pipe dream. he would've tried to figure out how to make a device to travel between dimensions, but peter didn't have a clue as to how he got to miles' dimension in the first place. forget how to get back. maybe peni was working on one. she was pretty smart and it would probably be possible with all the advanced technology she had.

that's what peter had been telling himself the past few days. just wait until they arrive and then everything will be better. peter couldn't tell you how many times he imagined miles popping into his apartment, running to hug him and tell him all about what he had missed. how peter wouldn't hear any of what the boy was saying because he was just in shock that the boy was with him. that miles had found him. that miles remembered him and willingly came back to him. peter could only stare at the kid, trying to memorize every detail of him in case he ever left again. miles' big puppy dog eyes and his adorable mouth. his hair and his nose, the way he sat so close to peter that it made his heart race. how miles would stop when he noticed peter wasn't listening and asked what's wrong. the warmth of the kid as he wrapped his arms around peter's neck, surrounding him in a comforting hug. a hug that would never end.

tears dripped onto peter's shirt as he silently cried. he missed miles so much. he was nothing without him. peter couldn't even think about the possibility of miles doing just fine without him. miles was the one string that prevented peter from falling into a pitch black nothing. he needed to hear miles' cheerful voice and feel the warmth of his body next to peter's. he needed miles like he needed air and right now, peter was drowning.

-

the sun wasn't even up when miles woke, terrified and covered in sweat. ever since peter left, miles could barely sleep and when he did, he had nightmares. nightmares about uncle aaron. nightmares about failing to stop a villain. the worst were the nightmares of losing peter. those were the ones that happened the most. miles and peter would be fighting and peter would get knocked down. peter would get knocked down and he wouldn't get up. the older man would flash a small smile at miles to try and distract him from the blood that was pooling under him, but it never worked. peter would try to get up but grunt in pain as miles told him not to move. his eyes were wet with tears, reflecting pain and guilt. miles would scream and cry and beg. telling peter that it was ok. begging him not to leave. telling peter that he loved him.

miles blinked his eyes rapidly a few times, causing tears to fall down his face. with a shaky hand, he pinched his arm to confirm that this was real life. he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, his back slumped against the wall. miles' lip wobbled as a sob escaped his lips, his hand quickly muffling the sound. the boy curled up into a ball, hugging his knees as he tried to remember the breathing exercises he had taught himself for when he had nightmares. after a few minutes, the pain of the dream subsided. they always felt so real. miles wasn't sure if it was a side effect of his spider powers or his feelings for peter that contributed to that. taking a deep breath, miles pulled his pillow closer so he could hug it.

"peter's okay. he's alive. it was just a dream. peter is doing fine, he'll be here any moment." it was these little sentences that reassured miles whenever he missed peter. miles just knew that somehow, someway, he was going to see peter again. hopefully, he could see all the spider-people. but miles refused to give up until he saw his peter again. until he saw that proud look in peter's eyes and a small smile creep up on his face. he missed the guy horribly. even his stained sweatpants and that one hair that always fell on peter's forehead.

miles missed everything about peter. how his large hands would cover miles' shoulder. the way he always looked so tired but was always ready to help miles. the way he showed his love, through actions. peter was there when miles needed someone and miles' would go to any length to be there for peter. if only he could figure out a way to get to his dimension.

miles rummaged around until he found his notebook, flipping through pages until he got to ones filled with doodles and words. he had been brainstorming a device, but there were so many holes he still had to fill. how would he get the technology to make it? where would he get the technology to make it? what if it ended up only going one way? miles couldn't stay there forever; it would worry his parents to death. and where would he find the time to work on it? he was hard-pressed to find time to think about it, much less make it. between school, family, and spider-man stuff, miles barely had the energy to think.

the boy shook his head, closing his eyes. it was going to be okay. peter will be here in no time. watch, he's gonna walk through that door any moment. his logical side told him this was all bs, but there was some hope that Peni or someone else made a device. as long as there was hope, miles would fight his hardest. he wouldn't stop until he got to peter.


	3. he complicated everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (possible trigger warning: thoughts of suicide, and self-harm)
> 
> peter felt alone. he wanted to stop thinking. so he did, doing something he would probably regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only peter's pov this time, i've been unbelievably productive lately and wanted to get this out for y'all!

peter gripped the edge of the building with both hands as he looked down, watching the cars go by on the road below. he had been here so many times, but he never had the courage to actually do it. to kill himself. something always led him back to his crappy home, whether it was something as trivial as hunger or something as huge as the thought of miles. peter wanted so badly to believe that miles was waiting for him. trying to figure out a way to get to him.

"shut up, shut up, shut up! he's not coming for you, dumbass," peter muttered through gritted teeth. "just do it. be a man and jump."

the crisp air of fall chilled peter, who was only wearing his spider-man suit, to the bone. he looked down at his feet that were dangling off the roof, and then to the ground below. the sun was setting and the roads were getting busy as people rushed home to their families. unlike peter, who had no family left to rush to. peter would always tell himself that it was better that way. he didn't want to become reliant on others. they could leave him. he was right. everyone had left him. peter was completely alone.

except miles. stupid miles. he complicated everything. if peter never met him, he would've already jumped and been done with all this. but no, miles had to come into the older man's life and turn it upside down. for better and for worse. when he was with miles, peter felt like he could actually take on the world. he felt happiness whenever he saw the kid's beautiful smile. peter thought, for the first time, that he was actually making a difference in the world. he tried to teach miles the best he could in the short time that he was there, hoping it was enough to give him a jump start.

when he came back to his own dimension, peter felt lost. empty. it was disguised by joy for a bit when he thought that he could mend things with mj, but it didn't take long to come crashing down. peter didn't know what to do. sure, he could go around and save the city, but what was the point? why should he save the city when it was filled with rotten people like him? surely, someone else would step up once spider-man disappeared. why did peter have to be the one to be a superhero? he wasn't made for this. miles had a good heart. he wanted to help people. peter didn't. he didn't want anything to do with society. all it was was a horrible place filled to the brim with disgusting people that had no kindness in their heart. that included him.

miles was born to make a difference in the world. you could see it in the shine of his eyes, in the caring smile he flashed at strangers, in the way he put others before himself. miles was a smart kid; he learned quick. all he was lacking was a bit of confidence. once he had that, miles could rule the world if he wanted to. damn, he already ruled peter's world. miles was the one thing that peter couldn't let go of. peter wasn't sure he wanted to let go of the boy.

"fuck. fuck it." peter stood up and backed away from the ledge. his mind was screaming at him, telling him that he was a coward and a fool. the man ignored it as he quickly found his way back home, heading into the bathroom.

peter looked at himself in the dirty mirror, smudges distorting his reflection. he still could tell that he looked like shit. he hadn't showered in, what, a week? two? time passed so quickly yet so slowly. peter didn't even know what day of the week it was. he sighed, stripping off the disgusting suit from his body and throwing it on the floor. he might as well get it over with. he turned on the shower before scrambling to find his razor, his body on autopilot. he retrieved it, bringing it up to his face to look at the blade. peter squinted his eyes, his mind blank, as he stared at the razor. he eventually brought it up to his face, looking in the mirror as he started to shave.

"shit," peter winced as the dry blade met his skin, nicking it. he needed shaving cream. the thought went through his mind as he touched the cut, raising his hand to find a bloody fingertip. he watched as the blood fell down his finger. it was mesmerizing, in a way. peter had seen plenty of nasty wounds, even sustained some, but this - this was different. he did this to himself. he could purposely choose to hurt himself.

forgetting all about the shower, peter held the razor in his right hand as he raised his left arm. bringing the blade to the skin, peter hesitated. was he really doing this? was he going to cut himself? isn't that what angsty teenagers do? peter shook his head, ridding the thoughts as soon as they came. he was gonna do whatever he wanted. he was an adult, for fuck's sake!

an image of miles looking up at peter with a huge smile popped into his mind. fuck! no! no, no, no, no, no. he didn't want to think about miles. peter sliced his wrist, watching as blood started to pile on the wound. he felt a little better. calmer. so peter did it again and again. he didn't know how many times he cut himself, but he didn't care. he just watched as blood dripped down his arm, onto the tile floor. the sound of the shower running was a dull noise in the background as peter focused on watching the red liquid flow. the cuts stung, but peter barely noticed. he was in an almost tranquil state. all that mattered in the moment was watching his blood run down his arm. all sounds, feelings, and thoughts were gone. everything was gone. all that was left was a lonely man watching his own blood spill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh, i can't thank y'all enough for all the support and comments!! thank you so much to every person who's reading this <3


	4. shirtless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (smut/porn (with plot??))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, idek at this point. but i was horny so here ya go

"come sit down, kiddo."

miles whips his head towards the voice in surprise, both excited and confused beyond belief. he could recognize that voice anywhere. it was peter. his lovely peter. but how did he get to miles' dimension?

"pet-" miles cut himself off as he saw the older man sitting on his bed. without a shirt. he quickly told himself to get it together. he had never seen peter's bare chest before but it shouldn't be a big deal, right? going around shirtless was just a normal thing for guys to do. sitting shirtless on a teenagers bed with a smirk, staring at miles was a normal thing to do. totally.

"uh, heh," miles took a deep breath before starting again. "peter, i, uh, w-when did you get here?" _and why aren't you wearing a shirt?_ miles decided not to ask the second question, and rubbed that back of his neck as he averted his eyes from the man. he hoped to god he didn't have a boner right now. oh my god, he was so awkward. did peter think he was being weird? miles was definitely being weird, but he was so nervous he didn't know what to do. why was he so flustered?!

"nevermind that, miles. im here now and that's what matters. now, get your cute ass over here."

miles looked back up at peter, taking a few tentative steps forward. his mind was running rampant, along with his heart. did he just say miles had a cute ass? the boy opened and closed his mouth, unable to do simple commands because his brain was going fucking haywire. he swallowed as he took another step towards peter, until he was standing next to him. peter's head tilted up to look at miles, looking so damn hot miles felt like his legs were melting. the way he was looking at miles though his eyelids, mouth slightly open with the corners quirked up into a small smile. miles didn't know what to do.

"you gonna sit?"

the kid blinked as he took a few seconds to comprehend the older man's words.

"y-yeh," miles mumbled as he sat on his bed next to the guy he loved. who currently wasn't wearing a shirt. just as miles looked up at peter, his gaze fell again. "uhh, soooo."

"you're so cute when you're nervous." peter chuckled, scooting closer to miles until their shoulders were touching before wrapping an arm around the boy. miles' eyes widened, his mouth open in disbelief at what he was experiencing. "i sorta meant on my lap."

"wha-woah!" miles squeaked as he was dragged onto the man's lap, placing his hands on either side of peter to steady himself. he felt like he couldn't catch his breath. his heart was beating so quickly. he had long given up trying not to be noticeably turned on. seemed like peter had too, judging by the hardness underneath miles. peter kept one hand on the boy's waist, moving the other hand to the back of miles' head to pull him even closer.

"doing okay, kiddo?" miles shivered as he felt peter's warm breath on his face. he nodded, unable to come up with words when he was so close to peter's face. miles had never been this close to him before. he could see hazel flecks that made his eyes that much more striking. he could see every single hair that made up the man's stubble. miles wondered what it would feel like against his skin. without thinking, he brushed his lips along peter's cheek, closing his eyes as he breathed in the man's scent. the stubble felt rough on miles' lips, but he liked it. it felt wrong. a kid who couldn't even grow a beard grazing his lips across someone else's? it felt horribly wrong, which made miles all the more excited.

"peter," miles whispered.

"hey." peter leaned back so that he could see miles' face. "tell me if you don't like anything, 'kay? it's okay if i kiss you?"

"yeah, yes."

miles barely got those words out before steady lips were against his own. he couldn't help the small noise that escaped his mouth, which only urged peter to make the kiss deeper. the boy's lips were parted as a tongue slipped between them. so much was happening, miles felt like he was going insane. he slowly dragged his hand across peter's chest, the other going to comb through his hair. it felt like heaven.

"mnnh," miles moaned into peter's mouth, overwhelmed with pleasure. he wanted more. he wanted to feel more of peter. their mouths separated with a lewd shlop, followed by panting.

"fuck, you're so good."

"am i your good boy?" miles felt a surge of confidence, enough to look peter in the eye as he whispered.

"you are," the man smirked, running a hand up miles chest before tugging miles' shirt over his head. "you're such a good boy for me."

miles' grip on peter's hair tightened as the man licked across his collar bones, a strip of saliva still attached to them as he pulled away.

"ya like that, hm?" peter whispered in the boy's ear as his large hands roamed miles' body.

"don't stop- don't stop talking."

"hmm," peter hummed I'm response, curious about what exactly turned him on. "you like it when I talk dirty to you, pretty boy? such a naughty boy, wanting to hear this type of stuff from a grown man like me."

"only you, peter. o-only a naughty boy for you," miles stuttered as his hips bucked up again, trying to find some sort of friction. peter decided to have mercy on the boy, but not before he had some fun.

"oh, really? looking pretty desperate, humping the air. why don't you tell me what you want?" peter's voice was low and rough, filled with lust. he could barely stop himself from rubbing up against the boy. he was so painfully hard.

"you, peter. i want you. i need you," miles panted, his hand reaching down to palm himself. peter quickly removed the hand, making miles whine with need.

"you have me. be more specific. be a good boy and tell peter what you need." the man didn't know how much longer he could resist touching himself. he could probably cum just from watching miles.

"hng, god, peter, i n-need you to, to touch me. please, please, i'll be a good boy."

"that's what i wanna hear. now, get up," peter commanded. "take it all off."

miles did as he was told, standing so that he could remove his jeans and boxers. peter observed with hungry eyes as he swiftly took off his own clothes, revealing his large, hard cock that was dripping with precum. miles' jaw dropped. he knew peter would look hot, but this was a whole 'nother level. his own penis looked small in comparison, but he reminded himself that he was still growing. which reminded him that he was a growing teenager about to get fucked by his very attractive mentor. just the thought made his dick twitch.

"peter, you-fuck, you're so big." the older man chuckled as he wrapped miles up in his arms, pulling him back onto his lap. peter wrapped a large hand around both of them, slowly stroking their members. miles' hands flew to peter's hair as he moaned in pleasure.

"oh, hnnff, peter," sweet sounds of happiness tumbled out of the kid's mouth as he got closer to orgasm. in turn, peter whispered words of encouragement in miles' ear as the pace of his hand fastened.

"hm, such a good boy for me, gonna make you feel so good, wanna make you cum, wanna hear your moans."

"peter," miles moaned loudly. "im, im not gonna, ohhh, not gonna last much lon-"

miles all but screamed with pleasure, whatever he was thinking about interrupted by his orgasm. the hands in peter's hair tightened their grasp. his hips bucked up into peter's hands as white fluid spurt on both of them. peter came a second later, quietly groaning miles' name. both males sat there in pure bliss, miles leaning against peter's chest.

"you okay, baby boy?" peter loosened his grip on the boy as he felt miles nod his head. "good. uh, not that i want to stop cuddling, but we should probably clean up."

miles raised his head to look at peter, glancing down at the mess. peter watched as the boy ran a few fingers through the cum before putting them in his own mouth to suck on. peter just stared in awe. how did this kid look at him so innocently while doing something so vile?

-

miles internally cursed as he looked down at his hard dick. those wet dreams were starting to feel more and more real every time.


	5. what the hell is rubbing alcohol?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miles couldn't lose peter. not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! now with angst!
> 
> :')

miles had taken to patrolling later at night, since his sleep was a mess. it was a quiet day; no villains had been around since he had last seen all the spider-people. just stupid guys preying on ladies and the like.

tonight was one of those nights for miles. it was around midnight and miles sat on the roof of an abandoned building, keeping an eye out as he thought. he had been missing peter a lot lately. those dreams didn't help. nevertheless, miles kept his hope that he would see the man again. he missed the little things about him. seeing him scarf down fast food, watching him walk around in those ridiculous, and adorable, sweatpants. peter was constantly on his mind, the thought of him encouraging miles to keep working on the dimension traveler thing. miles knew he was smart, but he wasn't that smart. he wasn't even sure if his dimension had the technology that was needed.

it was a calm night, with only miles and his thoughts. there hadn't been any crime so far, making miles jump when his spidey-sense went off. he quickly got to his feet and looked around. miles couldn't believe his eyes when he saw peni and sp//dr.

peni greeted him, excitedly telling him about what she had discovered about the different dimensions. after miles heard that she found a way to jump dimensions, everything else was irrelevant. he could barely hear what the girl was saying over the thoughts that ran through his mind. he was gonna be able to see peter! he could surprise him right now, and they would sit together and laugh and have greasy pizza. miles managed to catch how to use it, thanking her and taking the small device in his hands. this was it! this is what he had been waiting for and it was finally in his hands.

-

this was not what he had been waiting for. this was definitely not part of the plan. at all. a bloody peter laying on the floor of a bathroom was not what miles imagined. the shower was running and there was a razor next to peter. miles swallowed, pinching himself to make sure it wasn't another nightmare. to his dismay, it was real.

"m . . . miles?" peter's eyes were open sightly, looking up at miles with a confused expression. his skin was horribly pale, and sweaty at the touch. he looked like he was in bad shape. miles mind was scrambled, but he finally locked onto the most important train of thought. he looked around frantically, visibly upset. "what're ya, you looking for?"

"phone. a phone. peter, where's your phone? i need to call 911! you're bleeding out, peter, i can't let you die. not now, please-"

"heeey, it's ok. i don't need to . . . go to the doctor. im fine, really, just . . ." peter's mouth was open, his breathe ragged. upon seeing miles' frown, he tried again. "don't got insurance for that anyways."

peter had a small smile but they both could see right through it. miles looked around, grabbing a towel off the ground. peter watched as the boy wiped up the tile before grabbing another towel. he went to the sink and got it wet before turning to peter.

"do you have alcohol?" peter squinted at him before muttering about vodka on his nightstand. miles made a note to bring up why he had that as he returned. kneeling next to peter, he put down the bottle.

"hold still, 'kay? this might hurt a bit."

"d-did ya bring the vodka special for me? how thoughtful," peter said with a smirk that was quickly replaced with pain. "ow."

"sorry. and no, stupid. alcohol kills germs. i assume you don't have rubbing alcohol so this is the next best thing." miles spoke quietly as he focused on clearing away as much blood from the wounds as he could. he was concerned at how deep they were.

"i don't even know what rubbing alcohol is. how in the hell do you know?"

"i used to be a boy that got cuts and scrapes. my mom told me how to clean them. it just stuck, i guess." miles said with a shrug as he discarded the dirty towel and poured the vodka on a washcloth. he looked up at peter's face, reaching out to brush the hair out of his eyes. "this is gonna sting. you ready?"

peter locked eyes with miles, nodding. letting out a huff of air, miles put his hand on peter's arm to steady the man. he didn't want to hurt him. peter flinched when the cloth met his skin, cold and stinging. miles immediately pulled away, looking up at the man, whose eyes were squeezed shut.

"im sorry! here, maybe, maybe you could squeeze my hand while i clean it?" 

peter grunted in response, wrapping his fingers around miles'. he was still breathing abnormally, his chest rising and falling to no certain rhythm. the man was tired, his eyes closed and his back leaning against the wall for support. miles gave peter's hand a small squeeze before resuming the process of cleaning the cuts. the boy tried to work as fast as he could, internally wincing every time peter moaned in pain. he had a death grip on miles' hand the whole time.

"okay." miles pulled away. "you okay, peter?"

"mmhm."

"do you have any bandages?" unsurprisingly, the man shook his head. "'kay . . . that's okay, just gotta use something else." miles would've left the wound uncovered but it was still bleeding slightly. plus, there were probably a lot of germs at peter's place. he looked around, opening the cabinet next to him. nothing. miles groaned, unsure about what to do. "do you have any clean clothes that you don't care about?"

"mm, nah, all dirty." peter looked at miles apologetically.

"it's okay, i'll just . . . i can just stop the bleeding with my shirt and leave the cuts open until we get some bandages. yeah." miles used the end of his shirt to apply pressure. thankfully, it only took a minute to stop the blood. after the prompting of miles, they both walked to the bed. peter laid down, watching where he put his hurt arm.

"sooo, uhh. how . . . where'd you come from?" peter had his eyes closed, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion. "like, how'd you get here?"

after contemplating for a moment, miles decided to sit next to him on the bed, keeping an eye on his hurt arm. "oh, yeah, peni made a dimension traveler and gave it to me." the boy felt nervous being so close to peter. a lot had happened between now and the last time they saw each other. dreams happened. and apparently peter had . . . hurt himself. miles' jaw dropped as he just realized that. peter cut himself.

"mmmkay. cool," peter mumbled, leaving the room in an uncomfortable silence.

"why did you, was that an accident or did -" miles cut himself off, trying to gather his thoughts. why would peter intentionally hurt himself? miles knew he wasn't in a very good place, but he didn't know the man was that bad. he never noticed any self-harm scars on peter. was this his first time? had mary jane rejected him? is that why he did it? was peter depressed? he just couldn't find any happiness? that can't be possible; miles refused to believe that. peter was his everything. he couldn't lose peter. "i-i don't know what you're feeling right now, but i can help. i can try to help. i don't want you to hurt, peter."

miles had tears in his eyes when peter looked at him. it seemed as if the boy would shatter into a million pieces if peter was hurting himself. which he was. like always, peter had found a way to fuck everything up. normally, this was the time when peter would say something stupid or make a joke, avoiding the topic. but obviously, this wasn't a normal day. peter was just exhausted. he was too tired to put in any effort, much less muster up a fake smile. this was miles, for god's sake. peter could be able to be truthful with him. he should be, anyways.

"augh," peter moaned as he put his head in his hands, unable to look at miles any longer. "miles, i . . . i don't know. i just don't know anymore, kid. my arm hurts and im so exhausted and im just unsure about everything right now." peter's voice got quieter with each word, the feeling of defeat crushing him. he was a failure. a literal child was living a better life than he was. he was disgusting. a mistake. peter was such a mistake.

miles sat there, lips trembling as he tried to keep it together. he needed to be strong. he closed his eyes, repeating that sentence until it came true. miles needed to be strong because peter wasn't right now. miles needed to be strong enough for the both of them. he needed to be there for peter. he couldn't let the man feel this way any longer. miles opened his eyes, tears spilling out as he let out a tiny sigh. he ignored them, letting them run down his cheek and fall onto the sheet as he looked at peter. his hands shook as he wrapped small arms around peter's middle. his whole body was shaking, both from crying and nerves. miles didn't know what he was doing. he didn't even care about the consequences. right now, he needed to be held and he felt like peter did, too. the man lifted his head, looking down at the hand on his chest. miles couldn't say anything. he knew that if he tried, he would start sobbing. and they didn't need that. he had to be strong. for peter.

the older man blinked, his brain short-circuting. why would miles be hugging him? was this a dream? peter didn't deserve love, especially not from someone as pure as miles. he looked over at the kid's face, his heart stopping as he saw tears streaming down miles' face. all self-deprecating thoughts stopped as peter focused on miles, turning so that they were facing each other. without thinking, he placed his hands on miles' cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the wetness from the tears. peter couldn't help but notice how large his hand was compared to the boy. miles closed his eyes and peter could swear that he felt the kid lean into his touch.

"im so sorry. i didn't mean to upset you, miles. i was just - mindlessly talking. i - please don't cry. im sorry."

miles couldn't help the sob that escaped from his lips. he leaned forward, his head resting on peter's large chest. he tightened his grip on the man, afraid of losing him again. he didn't want to lose his peter again. he couldn't. miles breathed in the man's scent, letting himself melt into strong, safe arms. he trembled as he finally let himself cry. miles felt peter's large hands on his back, rubbing up and down soothingly. he was finally with peter. peter was holding him, telling him that it was going to be okay. miles lifted his head to look at peter's face, taking it in both of his hands. peter looked shocked, but miles didn't stop. he was running on emotion, making him braver than normal.

"peter," miles gasped, his eyes closing as their foreheads touched. he could feel the man's warm breath on his lips. "peter, please, please, don't leave. i need you and i can't let you go, not again. peter, please stay. please-"

peter rubbed circles on miles' back as the boy started crying again. he had officially fucked up and peter couldn't leave until he fixed things. until miles was okay.


End file.
